ohgosh the bachelor season ended and Andy picked tessa! My choice!! shes amazingly sincere, beautiful and sophisticated. Right from the beginning, I felt that she was somewhat different from the other girls but i couldn quite pinpoint it. But there again she proved it, by sticking around till the end. Actually i realised from this show that when there is love between two people, it cant escape other peoples' eyes; neither can it escape the camera lens. I mean it was so easy (for me) to tell that Bevin was perhaps not so in love with Andy and she was just sticking around maybe cos she hasnt had been rejected. Just from the way she looked at him/ the way he looked at him.
Not surprisingly the end he chose Tessa. And im really glad he did. Cos i think shes perfect!=)
Just hanging around in the Angell Hall waiting for evening time to hang out with my fellow SEA people. There's only a couple of them around in AA and before they all graduate or something we'd better hang out more! Its really interesting hanging out with them, cos I dont really have to feel guarded about my background (sometimes i really do) and they relly appreciate me/us/each other for exactly who we are. Its amazing that going overseas you start to meet people from all over the world and get to learn so much from each other.
I tried to retrieve my photos online just now but apparently most of them are gone. I'm thinking last year, exactly at this time, I was in Zimbabwe, with 8 other wonderful girls, on a journey to weave a tapestry of hope and love. Time has really flown by so quickly. But at the same time, Im thinking hey, its been one long year. What have i actually done for them since we left? How are they getting along? Is the economy still going downhill and how are the internal rifes right now? How is harare children's Home and charmaine getting along?
Im reflecting on myself and startng to realise that I am actually not so much of a do-er (despite many people tellign me that). I feel insecure sometimes initiating some thing new. Most of the time i would rather take the tested trusted path, than the novel less trodden path. I guess its not only the way I do my stuff, carry out my duties, learn my work, choose my brands and select my foods. Its also how I deal with friendships and relationships. I don't ever want to get hurt again, and I hate to have to admit that i have a commitment fear. its like an avoidant personality - i fear getting too overly close to any human being. Many times i just wanna walk out of this but I guess I have been so drawn into it that its hard to pull out.
No idea why this is getting so emotional. Perhaps its just 'cos i ve been hanging around for 3 hours with a splitting headache and nothing to do thats why I'm thinking so much. Or maybe i would attribute this to the dramatic, albeit sweet finale of the bachelor. Or maybe its 'cos Im thinking that I am an emotionally deprived, stoic person.Perhaps its the pep talk/mini lecture my silly mum was giving me yesterday night. Or possibly because I'm thinking about how incompetent as a person I have been in my life so far with regards to so many aspects.
Gosh, as what amy said, i really need to find within internally the strive for excellence.
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Evidence that the colorifics test IS accurate cos i just did it again.
You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.
You are a leader in every sense of the word. You know where you are going and you know what you need to do in order to get there. You exercise an inherent initiative in overcoming obstacles and difficulties. You either hold, or wish to achieve, a position of authority by means of which full control can be exerted over events.
There are times of everyone's life when 'compromise' is the name of the game and this is the time, so you have no alternative but to forgo some pleasures for the time being. You are capable of achieving satisfaction through physical activity.
You are feeling full of uncertainty and worrying over what you consider as missed opportunities. This is causing considerable stress and tension. You feel that there must be more to life than the constant pressures and anxieties - that surely life must hold far more opportunities than that which it has to date presented to you. You sincerely believe that there must be a simpler way to tap life's hidden recourses and should you be able to find that way - you could achieve your hearts desire. It's the not knowing 'how' that is affording you the constant worry. You are constantly probing and seeking - trying to ensure that at all times you are on your guard against missing any opportunity. 'Enough is enough'. You are anxious to avoid further setbacks. You are strenuously trying to make sure that you will not be overlooked and you badly need security.
You have so many ideas that you would like to revitalise but you need to realise a stable and peaceful condition to do so. Once you can free yourself from all the aggravation and tension around you, you will make strides that may amaze you. You will not be prevented from achieving all the things you so desire.
