I used to be so touched that my friends would throw surprises on my birthdays. There was always the thrill of being kept in the dark, not knowing whos going to pop out from behind that corner and whether you would get thrown into that swimming pool/sea. Likewise, I used to be so enthusiastic about organising birthday surprises for my friends, going to great measures to prepare for them.
Turning twenty sparked off a major self-retrospection. Perhaps its 'cos im jaded, or on the other extreme, i just want so much more in my life. Isn't a birthday just another day on the calender year? Twenty years ago, on my birthday, the SMRT rides were launched. In 1986, the Spanish Civil war began with a revolt against the government. In 1918, nobel laureate Nelson Mandela was born on this day. All this great people, great inventions and historical landmarks justaposed against the birth of my own, reduces me to a miniscule human being. Perhaps just another human being struggling for her own survival on this densely populated world of 6 billion that is gasping for a breath of cleaner air, fresher water and more space. Where? Where should i place myself amongst this myriad of impermanence im living in?
Turned twenty already. The figure ONE has been devoured by figure TWO. Stepping into the THIRD decade of my life. I used to think of birthdays as an extremely important day. My birthday was a VERY important day. People who care for you will celebrate for you, and shower you with plenty of well wishes. Your loved ones will fight to presnet you with gifts on this special day. But out of the many many presents in your lives thus far, how many can you actually remember? How many presents are actually meaningful and have changed you in such a way that it's not just a birthday gift, by formality or whatsover, but it inspired a change in you or changed the way you think or look?
I ve gotten over all the presents and gifts. When my friends/ family ask me what present i want this year, I simply smile and turn it down.
What would really make me happy are just simple things like a dinner with family. Surprise by friends sure was a sweet blessing, but I appreciated more of the gathering and the heartfelt sharing chat after the ceremonial candle-blowing and loud happy birthday off pitched singing-cum-shouting.
I hope, as is an indication of my maturity, is getting over the materialistic and superficial part of me. I ve come to realise time and true love from my family and friends is what i really really need. Celebrate birthdays because you really want to spend time with the birthday boy/girl. Shower blessings and wellwishes not because you HAVE to say it just as if its another annual event. When you send your wishes, say it from the botommest part of your heart and think hard of the person whom you want your wishes to reach. Its makes a hell lot of difference between and sms that reads "happy birthday!" and "happy birthday,dear. You have been a great friend of mine all this past year and Im sure this birthday is just another one the many ahead we will celebrate together. Smile!=)" There is all the difference betweeen a timely phone call or another convenient facebook wall scribble from the-oh-i-just-realised-its-XXXX'sbirthday-today-because-of-facebook-reminder kind of revelation.
My wish this year is to invest even more time in my friendships and family ties thus far, and my future friendships. So that next year, when i look back , i will be proud that i have gained so much more than i did in the past 20 years.
Help. I'm free this sunday after family lunch and there is no one to go out with me. I realised that i only get energized around people nowadays. Days without going out seem so painfully hard to get through.Help Help.Someone please date me.
