Its getting pretty late, past my bedtime for a sunday. But this weekend just too many things happened and I feel like rambling on for a little. Let me.
I must say the highlight of the weekend-highlight in terms of the overall entertainment, was the
Seniors Day Program. It was a well planned, tightly themed to the Infernal Affairs, with at least 4 or 5 self made videos of Jose+10 videos, music videos, picture clips etc, dances and band performances. Looking at all these seniors's performance, does, to some extent make me really jealous why is it that it is hard to get my batch people to be enthusiastic about doing stuff. Its always those few people interested in contributing and helping. I have tried my best too, but I think its one of the few cases where I really just throw in my towel from the exhaustion of swimming against the tide.
I dont know if its a blessing or a curse that I am graduating one semester early, such that I wont get to participate in a seniors day party for my meesiam batch. I dont know if I will miss this bunch, or whether they will even remember me as they are preparing for the seniors day. Highly unlikely it will be anything close to what the XLB batch seniors put together yesterday, stemming from the efforts and sacrifices that they had to make to create a seniors day that is truly theirs. Im placing my bets that meesiams's will be much of a really simple affair. I had a couple of discussions with some of the people in my batch over this issue, and the conclusions were almost ...unanimous.
Saturday was also the first time I got SO drunk that I couldn drive myself home. It was at the Seniors Day's afer party. Well, I had that coming, with no inhibition on the number of drinks that I was downing. As i talked to some friends today, I tried to justify that as the toll from the accumulated amount of stress from this crazy semester coupled with unyielding lab results, the most horrible relationships I ever had in my life and with the impending departure of the seniors from wintry cold Michigan. But in no way, were all these reasons, sufficient for a lack of discipline-trashed-out state on the couch overnight.Really. I am kinda mad at myself for doing that.
This semester I learnt so much. So much more than I think what two years of JC, 6 years of elementary school and 4 years of RGS education has taught me. It is that much. Academically, I have matured so much. I can read super fast now, I swear, I can finish a chapter in an hour. A few days ago i was filing all my materials this semester and it came to my shocking attention that I had read close to 60 academic papers this semester and top of that many other textbooks and writings. Its become those kinda important reading skillls that as you read, you internalize and create a roadmap such that most of the stuff sticks in your head as you finish the book. Its really an amazing feeling. But this wasn't trained, it was forced out of me as I had to deal with just so many pages of readings.
Emotionally I matured so much- I learned to love and I also learnt to hate. I learned to give in as well as to give up. Although I havent learnt to truly let go, but I don't want to blame myself for that because I have shed more than enough tears. I think become more skeptical of peoples' intentions and who are those true friends that I used to think I had. Suffice to say, these are all those "friends" who only buzz you up when they have a favour to ask of you and want your advice on homework. And sadly, friends of these sort seem to be creeping up and infringing on my life more than ever before. Maybe it is just because I have learnt to identify and protect myself from all these people. Its really sort of like I have created an outer protective shield, to which I shield off all intentionally intrusive relationship or friendships. Like how a Bubble-boy creates his own "haven" amidst throngs of external viral or bacteria invasions. I certainly don't know if this is good or bad, but at least, I feel safe for now. I don't think I would be able to let anyone in for a long while.
Mentally I have grown too. I learned to use my mind to rule my heart. I have learned to stay mentally focused for hours. I have learned to really manage my time most wisely this semester. As for friendships, this semester I am glad I made more friends and maintained better ones with those who were deserving of a friendship(again sorry but, my cynical outlook).
If i had to sum up this semester, which is going to be over in three weeks ( WHEE!), its all about
LEARNING to LEARN.
